Blogger's Block

Well I have had my first case of blogger's block. I don't know if I just don't have anything interesting to say or if I just am so tired I can't squeeze a good post out. We have something going on just about every night. I am taking E to cub scouts tonight where he will learn how to properly bait a hook and take a fish off a hook. We will have baseball practice tomorrow. E is very serious about baseball this year he wants to play short-stop. We practiced Monday for about 2 hours fielding balls. He decided we needed to go see High-School Musical on ice so we may be doing that in the next couple of weeks.

I am 3 days past ovulation and am taking every gurgle or twinge in my tummy as a preggo sign. Eric is trying to be rational so I don't get to giddy. I just stick my tongue out at him because I feel good about this cycle.

My cat (chopper) go a nasty ear infection and had to be rushed to the vet. He has ear mites and they caused the infection. My poor kitty looked like he had a golf ball in his cheek. Have you ever had to give a cat antibiotics? Oh it is fun he takes them every 12 hours and gets that nasty pink medicine everywhere. He has learned how to shoot it out of his mouth... yuck.

Eric posted an ad today called Rent-a-Husband. Well you better believe I replied. This was my reply email:

Yes, I would like to Rent-a-Husband. Me and my wonderful hubby bought the house of our dreams in November and have been working on repairs. Hubby likes flexing his bulging biceps in the yard knocking down unwanted trees, replanting shrubs, hauling off unwanted storage buildings etc. However painting the inside. not so much. I am dying to have my walls painted they are dingy yellow from not being painted in years. My doors look terrible. I don't have a lot of money to spend but I am willing to offer some services to you that I know my hubby is particularly fond of. I also cook fairly well. My hubby is a perfectionist but I am not I just want pretty color to hide some small imperfections. Please give me a bid for 5 1/2 rooms and I will be sure to make it work your troubles. I will help you paint every step of the way and I can look pretty cute in over-hauls and paint on my nose!!

Yes ladies I am willing to pimp myself out to my husband to get my house painted but I better not catch anyone else doing it!!!

Little old fart

My son is sooo funny. When I picked him up he informed me that he wasn't in the mood to play with a bunch of kids. He wanted to go to an adult restaurant for a home cooked meal. I took him to a local mom & pop establishment where he ordered chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, gravy, mac and cheese and peach cobbler and he ate it all. Then is grabbed my wallet and told the waitress that he was paying and money was no object!.

The big O

I ovulated Sunday!! We tested this morning and Eric said "you already did it the line is lighter"and I looked and sure enough. I wasnt really sure yesterday if the test line was dark enough but I guess it was because there is a definate difference. We are sure our bd timing was correct so now we are just waiting. It has only been 2 hours how can I possible wait 2 weeks. The theme of Jepordy has been playing in my head all morning. I alway think of it while I am peeing on any kind of stick. I am so proud of my ovaries right now I think I will throw them a party.

I am picking up E from daycare at lunch as he is out of school today and we are going to go to Mcdonalds for lunch I havent seen him all week and I am about to loose it. I cant wait to hug and kiss on him all the while him saying "mom, stop kissing me :(". Yesterday was very hard with him being at his dads but we suffered through. We went fishing, and got all of our flowerbeds ready. I planted flowers, veggies, herbs. Eric planted sperm!!!! :).

2 weeks people, 2 weeks

Eric's getting down the lingo...sort of

Well I discussed the ovulation matter with Eric because I am trying to include him and make his WHOLE body feel a part of this experience. I was in the middle of the sentance about peeing on the stick and it being lighter and he said well maybe you have already cycled. I was like "huh" you were listening. I was very impressed. He cares about this too and does want to know. So I was really loving him. But then I got home and he told me we will probably not go fishing this weekend because we have work to do in our yard this weekend....asshole.

What does this mean?

Ok I tested on my opk at lunch and I am on cd 9. Yesterday my ovulation line was there but not as dark as the test line so I clearly had not ovulated. Today there is barely a line there. Can your line go from darker to lighter before you ovulate? I though that it steadily got darker until it was as dark or darker and that means that will ovulate in the next 24-36 hours. Uhggg this is so confusing. There is no way I could have ovulated. But if I did I did'nt miss the boat, wink-wink.

Easter

Well I am not going home for Easter and I feel terrible. My son is with his Dad this year and I just can't face all these kiddos right now. This next sentance is probably going to make me sound like a pagan (am not!) but this is my little box!! My sweet hubby is going to take me fishing all day. Yes he is and I love him dearly for it. Just the two of us with no crowds and peace. I love fishing it is a great way to slow your thoughts and just be. We don't talk we just fish and it is very quite. Usually I can't shut up but at the lake it just feel like there are no words needed. I am sure Eric likes that part. So Ladies when you are in Easter dresses, hoes and heels I will be in Tennis shoes, flannel camo shirt (hubbies), and hair in a pony tail and I will not feel guilty.

Egg Whites???

Ok I am not going into details or even posting the link because there is a certain ick factor. But I need to know if anyone has used egg whites? If you have did it work? I am desperate but I dont know if I am that desperate and I don't know if I should try this.

Attention

Just wanted to start the day by saying congrats to Jen at they are expecting a little one please go over and visit her blog and d
r
o
P (hee hee hee do y'all remember that from school) her a line.

Oh and PS somebody teach me how to reference a link without having to actually put the whole address in my post; please, please pretty please!!

A Safe Place?

I started this blog so that I could let out some feelings that I might not feel comfortable sharing with others who I have face to face contact with. Is there a no-hold bar on what we can say on our blog or do we worry about what our fellow bloggers think about us? I will have opinions and thoughts and feelings that are not always pretty but they will be honest and true to the best of my ability. This is me the good, the bad, the ugly. But, at what point does it get too ugly? I think that our blogs should be our safe place or there is just no point to it right??? I encourage all bloggers to keep this in mind this is your spot to let it out. So by all means do so.

Wooo Hooo

Spring Break!! I am off school this week and tonight I will be watching revenge of the nerds with my hunny. I could'nt score time off work so I will settle for a couple of free nights. I have never seen these movies so my sweet husband tivo'd all of them for me. Let the nerd marathon begin. Yes, I am this excited it does not take much people.

I started my opks yesterday wish me lots of luck. If it does not work this month we have decided to go back on the clomid. I read more about it and sometimes they do use it people that are normaly ovulating but just have crazy schedules like me and eric. We see each other in passing in the morings and share our bed about 1-2 nights a week maybe we do need a little help.

I found out yesterday that I have 2 more family members leaving for Iraq in June so please if you pray do so for my family. I know they will be safe I have to believe that.

A nice place to visit

I had a great weekend with my family. We had big family dinners every night. Laughed and sit outside at night. Roasted marshmallows in our outdoor fire pit. It was exactly what we all needed. It made me appreciate my home, and what I have. Saturday we had a very nice surprise Eric's parents ordered us a new living room suite. I will post pics as soon as I can get the living room complete. It is beautiful and just what I would have picked for myself. Last night was the first time I got to enjoy them and let me tell ya I see lots of vegging on the sofa in my future.

Speaking of visiting I am still checking out different blogs and I found http://sensetosave.com.
Kacie has really great tips for saving and living the frugal lifestyle. I know as we are trying to extend our family saving is important and I really appreciate having a place to go and get some great tips.

Friends?

Well my in laws called yesterday and they are making a surprise visit this weekend. I am truly excited. I love, love, love them. I a blessed with a wonderful relationship with them. E loves them too he is excited he cant wait to get home from school because he know they will be waiting. Eric has not seen them since thanksgiving so he is excited as well. I was so busy last night with open house for E and preparing for his Easter party that I didn't get to get the house as ready as I could but I don't think they will mind. Right now I am stuck at work feeling like I am loosing out.

Last night Eric and I were talking before he went to work and he made a comment. Now I not going to tell you exactly what he said because I was a little miffed and he is usually a great partner, hubby, etc. But it had to do with being friends and being married. Sometimes we take for granted our friendship with our spouse. In the beginning of courtship (hopefully) you are building a friendship. Me and Eric were best friends...see I am saying were and I should be saying are. Why does it feel that best friend takes a backseat to marriage? How do you keep that friend connection with your hubbies? I mean the sexless part of your relationship? We all have to nurture friendships with others so what special things do you do to keep that part of your relationship active?

What???

I heard on the radio today that due to our high gas prices there is a surplus of funds in iraq. Well since they cannot decide what to use the money on and we are so graciously footing their bills they are going to let it sit for a little while. That is just peachy!!!

........................................Fertility News..............................
I actually started my period while in the line at the dollar store to buy a preg test. I was thinking ok what do I do put it back. There was people behind me so I just bought it and went home. Can anyone tell me why I used the damn test anyway??

Thank God for unanswered prayers

My child sweetly started his prayers like normal. "God please take care of us while we sleep, help me to make good choices tomorrow. Please post angels around our house tonight. Help me have a good day at school tomorrow ... oh and please help me to grow hair on my armpits". No Joke!! Jeesh

Bird on Steroids

I think that underneath the surface of me there is a crazy, unbalanced, teary, psyco woman. I say this because I am eating pizza tonight with Eric and E and conversation turned to baby and I turned to tears. We went to E's awards ceremony for his basketball team and there were all the cute little ones running around. As we were eating I was saying something and didn't even get the word baby out and they started. I was trying very hard not to continue so I took a couple of deep breaths and changed the subject. I do not feel sane. E was in the arcade playing video games and we ran into one of his little friend's mother and we started talking. She is holding her little girl on her hip and she says.........."So, when are y'all going to have a baby." I just smiled and changed the subject. I wanted to scream "WE ARE TRYING". Then we get home and since E was at his father's this weekend I had done some shopping. I was showing E all the cool clothes I had bought and he said............"Mom, I don't wear sponge bob anymore I am too old for that.. Just kill me now. I smiled and said thats ok honey, gave him a kiss and came in here to say WWWWHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHH.

Anyhoo, I got a funny side though too. Saturday night we came home to a dead squirrel in front of our house. We have lots of squirrels and we really like them, we have spent a lot of time watching them gather their nuts and watching the dogs chase them and so forth. Well our biggest one got ran over. Eric was really tired so he left it until morning. Well our cat stayed outside that night and the next morning I heard and awful noise at the door. It was my cat howling his head off. I opened the door to him running in the house and hiding behind my legs. Standing behind him was the biggest buzzard I have ever seen. We live in town so it was a very big surprise. Well chopper chases birds and isn't scared of anything... well except buzzards. He wouldn't go outside for the rest of the day. It was very funny.

1st date...In a long time

Sometimes I get busy with schedules, work, household chores that I forget just how much fun my husband is to be with. We spent the day together and had a great time. We went to Macaroni Grill for dinner and shopped at the mall and then went to wal-mart. We had an amazing meal and I believe the best cheese cake I have ever had. We drove into Dallas so we had quite a drive home but we laughed and talked about everything. Sometimes it seems like we have a night like this and I just fall in love with him all over again. I love him.

I got all my basal rate thermometor and ovulation kit and I believe I am ready to go this cycle. I am very excited. I am going to join fertility friend. My thermometor has a chart with it but I really feel like it would be better to keep up with it online. I explained how it all worked to Eric and he helped me pick the stuff out. I want to include him more in the process. I feel like I have been worried and researching and all this stuff but never really including him so I plan to discuss things with him a lot more.

We got the dogs some bones and the cat some toys, they are all chomping happily. The cat is killing his ball with feathers attached it is really funny.

Well guys I am off to bed cause...ahem...my date really isnt over so...ummm.....goodnight.

Daisy May

I got E a puppy for Christmas. He wanted a yellow lab (like the cottenelle dog). Well I looked and looked and there were none to be found. Did I mention we live in a very small town? A week before Christmas I got a phone call from our animal shelter saying they had just picked up a mother and 5 lab-mix puppies, get this, ALL YELLOW!!. I drove down there and low and behold there were 5 of the cutest puppies in the whole world. They were very fuzzy and I asked if they had any clue what they were mixed with. Of course they didn't know but they were thinking golden retriever because they had a reddish tint to there coats. They were very young there eyes were still a little cloudy but they were being weened. This was on a Wednesday and they lady told me if they were not all gone by Friday they would be executed. I just couldn't handle this so I definitely took one home. E got here early he was sooooo happy, I put here in his room and just let him find her.

Well the Pound has a rule that you have to spay and neuter any animal that you adopt. I am having a very hard time with this. Our Sweet Daisy is at the vet right now getting her womanhood taken away. We decided if we have to do it we need to do it while she is young so she wont have a hard time with it. I don't know if that is correct but the vet agreed so she is there right now. I couldn't take her so hubby did it. E is at his dad's for the weekend so she will be healed when he gets home.

We got snow today!!!! It is already melted but I did get to make a few snowballs this morning.

Sending up a prayer

I just read Allison's blog and saw her message about a fellow blogger losing her child. My heart goes out to that family. I was whining away last night and in the light of things I have sooo much to be thankful for. I dont know this dear sister but I am praying for her just the same.
_____________________________________________________________________

Hopeless

Ok this is going to be an extrememly whiney post so be prepared. I am nervouse about my research paper that I have to read in front of my entire english class in one hour. I worked on it all night last night. I have an excellent grade point average but I do not feel good about this due to professor issues.
That is not what is really bothering me though its the baby thing. I am having a hard time today and I know I am not the only one. Every woman that is posting about this trying journey is my hero. Your posts of sucess have encouraged me and the failed attemps hurt my heart. I just feel like its not going to happen today. I am lost and confused. I dont know what is wrong with me and the doctors do not seem to care. We live in a very small town with no specialists in the field. I have a clomid subsciption but as far as I know I am ovulating. My periods are normal. I have no symptoms of PCOS. I have no scar tissue that I know of so that rules out endo. I need to know something. I need someone to care enough to try to find out.
I am scared to take clomid because I am scared that something is wrong with me and I will have a miscarraige. I am not as strong as some of you. I know that I could not go through that.

I ache to give my husband a baby. I want to see him look at us in the delivery room with adoration in his eyes. I want to see E be a big brother. I want midnight feedings and diapers. I want to be a full time mother again. It kills me that I only have my child half the time. I want to feel needed 24/7 not just 1/2 of that. Sometimes when E is going on the weekends I feel lost. I want a complete whole family and I feel I dont have that right now. This is killing me.
I cant tell anyone in my family about this the only person that knows even remotely that I feel this way is my husband. I know he wants this to but he doesnt dwell on it like I do and sometimes frankly,, that pisses me off. I am sure he wants this more that he lets on but I feel very alone.

Hoping and Praying

Ok I have nasua this morning!!!!! You know before trying to have a baby I would never wish for feeling sick. Also had weird dreams all night last night.

After working outside saturday in shorts I woke up to a very light dusting of snow this morning. TX weather is very crazy!! I wanted enough snow to play with my son but oh well the roofs looked pretty on my drive to work. The sun is shining and I feel it will be a beautiful day!!

Storms

My first flowerbed (designed by my family). There are bulbs planted and I will show more pics as it progresses

I really hate storms. I am sitting here right now torturing myself with the weather channel. They have predicted storms and tornado watch until 2 a.m. I am not a confrontational person. When I get upset with someone I have a tendency to avoid at all cost. I guess that is why I hate real storms. You cant hide from them they are there rather you close you eyes or hide. I really admire people who can jump someone ass when they get pissed. The only person I can do this with is my poor husband. Maybe if I learned to confront what bothers or scares me then my fear of storms might not be so bad hmmm.





On a positive note, I woke up this morning with terrible lower back pain. The only time I remember pain like this is when I found out I was pregnant with my son. I went to the doctor because I thought I had a kidney infection and I was pregnant. Yes I was one of those women (or should I say kids) that I am beginning to despise. I got married very young and 3 months later got pregnant. My finger nails are also growing faster than I can chew them off so I am getting my hopes up just a little.





We had a beautiful Saturday. We worked in a community garden and I planted Stargazer Lillies in my own garden and some stawberries. I am so excited. I also am starting some seedlings inside to plant later. This will be my first attempt at a garden so keep you fingers crossed.

Well its getting late and I need to be sleeping when this storm rolls through.

Good night
Marie